Where do I even begin?
It’s hard to pinpoint exactly when it happened because it wasn’t all at once. It happened gradually.
Over the last few years, life seemed to keep taking from me. My husband walked through a season of healing. We said goodbye to ministry opportunities we believed were our next step. We interviewed with churches, heard “no,” and even had to say “no” ourselves. We found ourselves on a path we didn’t understand.
Somewhere along the way, my faith grew weak.
To be clear, I never stopped believing in God. But my faith in His goodness, His timing, and His plan was deeply shaken.
Instead of fighting to stay close to Him, I slowly allowed life to crowd Him out. I searched for joy in other things. I looked for “peace” in things that could never truly satisfy. Church became something I endured instead of something I loved. I still went because I wanted my kids there, and honestly, my husband would never have let us quit.
But the joy of the Lord was gone.
I couldn’t understand why life felt so confusing. Why did our family seem to keep facing one difficult situation after another? Why did anxiety—something I had never really struggled with before—begin keeping me awake at night? And, on top of everything else, turning 40 brought changes to my body that I wasn’t prepared for.
Then something happened recently that shook me to my core.
What happened wasn’t based on truth, but God still used it to open my eyes.
For the first time in a long time, I realized just how much I had been depending on myself instead of depending on the God who created me.
So I prayed.
I prayed over the situation. I prayed for the other person involved. And then my daughter, Charlotte, reminded me of Luke 6:28:
“Bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.”
So that’s where I started.
And peace came.
The very next day I opened my Bible again. My husband and I had been reading through Psalm 119 together. It begins with these words:
“Blessed are those…”
Those words hit differently this time.
I was reminded that even when life doesn’t go the way I hoped, I am still blessed.
Blessed to know Jesus as my Savior.
Blessed to have a husband who never stopped holding me up when I couldn’t stand on my own.
Blessed to have children who love Jesus enough to remind their own mom where hope is found.
Because if we’re honest, we’re all weak sometimes.
That’s exactly why God created the body of Christ. We were never meant to carry life’s burdens alone.
Looking back now, I realize I had slowly given up on God.
But He never gave up on me.
In His perfect timing, when I felt like everything around me was falling apart, He reminded me that He is still in control.
He allowed a painful situation—not because He wanted to harm me, but because He knew it would bring me back to Him. He knew it would bring me to my knees. He knew it would deepen my dependence on Him. And maybe, just maybe, He’ll use my story to encourage someone else who feels like they’re barely hanging on.
If that’s you today, let me remind you of something I almost forgot:
God hasn’t moved.
He hasn’t stopped loving you.
He hasn’t abandoned you.
Even when your faith feels weak, His faithfulness never is.
Sometimes the greatest testimony isn’t that we held tightly to God.
It’s that through all our wandering, He never let go of us.
Ready to Draw Near to God Again?
If you’ve been feeling distant from God, discouraged by life’s circumstances, or simply unsure where to begin, I want to encourage you to take one small step.
That’s exactly why I created my 30 Days of Scripture Writing Journal.
Each day includes a carefully selected Bible passage and space to write, reflect, and spend intentional time with the Lord. You don’t have to have all the answers—you simply have to be willing to open His Word.
I’d love to give you a free copy.
Just enter your email below, and I’ll send it straight to your inbox. My prayer is that these next 30 days will help you rediscover the peace, hope, and joy that can only be found in Christ.
Start your journey back to His Word today.
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